decisions

I think that I have made a decision about my major. I think that I am still going to major in elementary ed and just be in the college choir. I may change my mind about no music classes b ut right now I feel like God is really hinting to me that it's not His plan. It's kind of hard to take but do to recent events I don't think I would really succeed there anyway of course unless I teach elementary but I think I would get bored really quickly. Let's just say that I've had a discouraging few weeks music wise and I'm really feeling sorry for myself. I just don't understand why things have been going so badly. I work harder than most people that I know and yet they do better. I guess it's just not for me. All our life we are told that we can do anything if we set our minds to it. That's really not true, and that thought has really sobered me recently. I've always thought that I could do anything if I really wanted to and I still kind of feel that. Even when I wasn't a huge athlete in m.s. I just knew that I didn't have my heart into it. I convinced myself that if I really wanted it and worked for it I could achieve anything. NOw I know that I'm just really not the athletic., flexible type. Then, I discovered choir. My niche. I have achieved a lot in chior. been on counsel several years, done well in competitions, I don't mean to boast by saying that I am one of the leaders in the choir and in my section, but I just don't think that in the long run it is what I'm meant for. I think that at some point every kid has to grow up and realize that life is not a fairy land where all your dreams come true. I would love to sing on Broadway but I know that's not going to happen. Don't think that I'm depressed or anything. This just means that I can focus my life on teaching or being a librarian and eventually starting a family. I will always sing. I realized that if I did sing on broadway or something, a family would be pretty much out of the picture. my life would be all about me and my career, and where would I find a husband in the secular, gay-supported casts of broadway, if that's God's plan then He will certainly reveal it to me but I don't see that happening. I know that He has something even better. I also don't want to do all the weird music stuff that goes with being a music major. Jeremy describes his classes like they're fun and interesting but I think that I would find them boring and difficult. theory and conducting just aren't my favorite branches of music.I feel better having said this, I started off kind of sad but now I'm a little excited. I was kind of dreading the harder classes of music. I've always wanted to be a teacher. and I will always sing. Yet. when I watch a musical, a part of me really longs to be singing there. There are so many people in our church who could have a career in music easily but they don't. they have a family, and one teaches. IT's possible. enough for now.