bsinger

It's been a while..

2005-01-19T08:18:00.000-08:00

Well. home for a n hour during school. I am bored. I think I will write a poem.

There was a funny duck,

who never had the pluck

to sit on plummy jello,

his attitude was yellow.

Then one day it dawned on him,

that the others weren't quite fond of him.

This news was quite renewing

so he changed what he was doing.

He bought a orange bow tie,

and a hat of purple dye,

then he strutted out into the pond,

while the others on him gazed upon.

He felt quite spanky and smart,

so the others did not have the heart,

to reveal a scary secret

his backside plummage was depleted.

This bird of woe might never know

the cause for their hilarity,

but does it matter if the latter

takes it for sincerity?

This ridiculous, no patterned poem, was inspired by J.R.R. Tolkien. I know it's not good, but it was fun. The moral is that if anyone has something askew in their appearance, you should always always inform them of it because...that's just the right thing to do! hehe..thank you for your time.

Day after CHRISTmas

2004-12-26T21:59:00.000-08:00

I got a dvd player for college !!! yay! And like 10 dvd's which I think I already left one at a friends' house...oops.
Anyway, my dad got ROTk, eE, absolutely bogus! except that Saruman and wormtongue die at the wrong place, sorry if i spoiled that for anybody who has yet to see it!@ We watched like hours of behind the scenes info, no interviews though sadly, they are my favorite part. I still like the Fellowship's stuff the best! I think that that's part of the reason while i like it so much, when you see how much they really do love eachother it makes the fellowship seem so much more realistic. Yes, i'm a lotr dork, no i don't have a fan club...ok, no more stuff to say~

Big Black Box

2004-12-24T08:08:00.000-08:00

To sit in solemn silence on a dull, dark dock in a pestelential prison with a life long lock, awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock from a cheap and chippy chopper on a big, black box, a big, black box.

This is a warm-up excercise thing. Can you figure out what it means? I think it's some sort of prisoner who is in a cell, with the death penalty by the guillotine(spelling?).

Merry Christmas Eve! EAting at the Boi na Braza for lunch today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

christmastime

2004-12-22T13:42:00.000-08:00

It's snowing! I spent all day at the mall! I wrapped presents for an hour! We made christmas tree cookies! I don't have school and Eloise at Christmas was on this morning! What does this all add up to???? It's almost Christmas! My parents are being very mysterious...I mainly asked for money this christmas and a few dvd's but there are several extra packages under the tree plus some dvd shaped ones so they are very sneaky. I love surprises though, but it's hard to ask for a surprise bc then...well you know. I can't believe it's snowing. I hope it snows tomorrow too when I babysit the possessed four year old all day tomorrow. I did it yesterday, we watched Elf three times! I know, it's not THAT good. Now, Pirates of the car. I could watch three times in one day and still laugh but not Elf. Kij,. are you reading persuasion, it's ok if you aren't but it is soooo good. I really like it and it would be fun to talk about it with someone. A major chick book. So I ran into my english teacher at Barnes and Noble yesterday when I took my friend to a movie and desert and shopping for her present and I blushed so red when I saw him. He was totally casual, very unlke his usual self, and I was just shocked. It was way weird. Anyway, the same friend gave me the cutest little red leather notebook and an Aurora ( sleeping Beauty) wash cloth. Random yes, awesome absolutely. I love Aurora. we got my mom a really pretty robe today and some pajamas and my older bro a dress shirt and tie because he's working at a church now.
Sorry that this is a totally boring blog, like any of you care about what I did all day, but I'm too happy to rant and too happy to make a serious essay about some controversial issue. But I will leave you with this, "Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most"-Willy Wonka

lonnng time no talky

2004-12-15T18:55:00.000-08:00

So I finally have time to have a life since City of Angels is over. IT was sooo much fun though. There was this girl who was sooo funny, I'll just say that " Some like It Hot". hehe. Anyway, I finished the chronicles of Narnia last night. I din't love it at first, but seriously, the last battle is incredible. C.S Lewis is a literary genius. I felt so close to God, and I really understood Him as a friend more from reading these little fantasy stories. I would hightly recommend them. And the last one will make you want to go to heaven asap, if you don't already...I wrote a sort of poem last night that I think I will always keep. I don't write poetry, and I don't even really like to read it. This one didn't rhyme or anything, it just kind of flowed. It made me wnat to cry , or maybe that is just because I've beeen way stressed out recently. but anyway, I doubt that I'll ever show it to anyone, I"ll just keep it and pull it out when I need some comfort. I am so ready for college, one of my good frineds is greaduating early and moving to New Jersey over the breeak. It's happening, people I know are graduating and moving on, many whom I will never see again on earth, some I'll never see again ever. I feel like part of me wants to stay in care-free high school for a little longer, then the other more influential half wants to go out and go to college and be on my own and make friends and become a teacher...It is so sad to think that I'll never really live in our house again after this, or at least not really feel like I belong. It will be different from the day that I go to college. I suppose you cant' hold on to your childhood forever, that's what this is compared to the rest of your life, we're still living in our childhood. I've never wanted to grow up really, in middle school I was one of the last to relunctantly give up my barbies, and my little brother was the first to stop playing outside when we were little because he wanted to do nintendo stuff. I guess I just hate having to take on all the responsiblity of being older, but yet I"m excited about it too. My roommate and I looked at dorm stuff next week and it's going to be sooo cute and colorful. So i"ll end this on a happy note, OBU is the best!

singing

2004-12-05T18:29:00.000-08:00

It's always hard for me to believe that someone just can't sing. Maybe it's because it's like my "thing", I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't sing. It's such a big part of me, actually, music is in general. I just can't imagine being happy if everyone around me is singing and I couldn't. It's such a fulfilling thing to express yourself with music. That's seems kind of narrow minded, I'm sure, but it's just really depressing to me. A lot of people in our musical can't sing, and they know it,. they can't hear the notes and they get so frustrated. Some of them just have never had any training though, and that would help. My brother just got the lead in their musical at Oklahoma Baptist University, and I can't wait to be in the college performances. He's going to be so good.
In our musical, many of the girl's wear some rather risque costumes and they almost treat that like it's a privilege. Like, oh look, I have the smallest costume so..i dunno. It's disgusting. Kara and I have really made an effort to catch ourselves when we start gossiping, as girls tend to do, and it is very hard sometimes. We've gotten to wear we look at eachother and just stop talking. There are literally dozens of verses about not gossiping in psalms and proverbs, so God obviously impressed it on david's heart. Why? Because it can lead to soooo much trouble. I can't tell you how many people I have known who ended their friendship over gossip. IT's really not that hard to stop, well I say that, but actually it's just very hard to catch yourself.
I once knew a girl that wrote verses about gossiping on her telephone so that when she started she would see it. Good idea I think.

New peeps

2004-12-04T19:48:00.000-08:00

I just ran into this guy's profile on this and it was really interesting, we have a lot in common between choir and church stuff. I have to say I"m a little skeptical about all this internet meeting people stuff but who knows, you could make a friend. I would NEVER even entertain the thought that you would meet someone and fall in love or whatever. sure, it's a romantic sentiment but so unrealistic and stupid in this day. Some of my favorite movies are YO've Got Mail and Sleepless in Seattle but you know waht, I really don't think that would happen and work out. I suppose God works in mysterious ways but I'm not looking for that like some people. It's sad that women especially, have become so desparate as to go to these extents for "love". Actually it's not just sad, it's down right pitiful because they have such a void that only one Person can fill. I suppose that there are many of these such people at my school that I talk to everyday, some that may not even know that I'm a believer. I mean, I think that most people assume that I"m a "good girl" but do they really know what I believe in and why I am how I am. I have a sophomore cousin who is living in deep rebellion, she came over to our house for g-parents anniversary. It's so sad to see someone. who claims that she's a christian and I can't see her heart, living like this, she listens to profane music behind her parents consent and hangs out with druggies and goths. By the way I don't mean goths as in people who wear black but people who wear black for a reason other that to be different, like in a teenage cult where the one rule is to never be happy. It just kills me because I have honestly, the perfect family and it's very hard to see one of them stuggling. My family has never had any divorces, any unplanned pregnancies, any druggies, any punk rockers, and we are all in excellent health, the only people that I have known who died were a great grandmother but I din't reallly know her because she was losing her memory by the time she died so it was reallly a good thing and a very distant cousin who commited suicide,very sad, but actually I never met him. I just nkow someday I'll have to face sickness and death in my family and I will just have to lean on God. Anyway, I"m praying for this cousin of mine because she needs some direction and her parents need some strength to not give up on her.
change of topic: A series of unfortunate events is coming out soon and I can't wait to see it! It's gonna be soooo good! I love the books anyway

I have this funny feeling...

2004-12-03T20:53:00.000-08:00

I have this weird feeling that something is going to happen to me soon, like just a change, good I think. I've just had a very basic, routine life recently and I feel like I"m about to burst and totally reverse. It's probably just because I've been so busy recently but I just have a restless feeling that I can't take the routine anymore. I'm bored.
Sometimes I think that I should write something, a story, a theory, a plot, a poem just something because I'm a very thoughtful person, I don't mean in the way that I necessarily always think of others but in the way that I put a lot of thought into whatever I do. As long as it has a point, I'll do it, but things need to have a purpose, I think that's why I feel like God's been really molding me recently because I need to let go and just follow His direction, whether I see the purpose or not. Maybe I'm not meant to analyze every twist and turn in life, maybe I should try to just trust, not that it will always be good but that it will always be His plan.
Trust is one of the hardest things that I learn. I suppose it's pretty much for everyone. I just end up justifying my decisions by saying that God can work with anything and He'll make it right in the end. It may be true or I may be making it much harder. It's not a trusting that he exists deal or even a trusting that He has a perfect plan for me, it's hearing Him and being willing to believe what He's telling me is from HIm, I think that if I was positive of something that He was telling me I wouldn't really hesitate to do it. I like a challenge and I like taking a step sometimes but it's just hard to know what He wants.
college, future husband, dates, jobs, music, friends, money, kids, roommates, there's soooo much that I could worry about. I think that sometimes He just sits up there and goes hello! This is soooo much easier the way I want it, just do it that way. But we never learn, I think that in heaven we'll all look at the dvd's of our life and go oh my we were idiots. I am positive of that. I hope he has this huge dvd player and he can play "Creation" and "The Flood" and "Miracles of the Old Testament" and "The Plagues" etc. So cool!

city of angels

2004-12-03T14:40:00.000-08:00

City of Angels is this year's musical and my jazz choir is singing like a 4o's radio ensemble. IT has been tres terrible until today when it all came together! I am actually excited about our all day practice tomorrrow even though I have to miss half for my g-parents 50th anniversary party thing. I also miss a voice recital, our church's snow fest, and any free time that I would have had this weekend because we're rehearsing all day sunday too. AT least i get to miss stupid glimpse where they give you an awesome solo and then one week later give it to a boy who never even comes and let's you sing the chorus instead with a microphone big whoop. but that's a nother story that I'm trying to let go of. Anyway, I did virtually nothing all day. Waht's the point of coming back to school for three weeks? You can't start anything new so you just repeat old stuff or just sit around. So dumb! and being a senior I am exempting all my classes so I don't have to take any finals. Finals are going to be a shock to me in college I think because I"ve rarely taken any that i've really had to study for! OH college! my roommate got officially accepted and I got a 4 thousand dollar academic scholarship so college is sweet at this point!

resistance is futile...domdomdomdommm

2004-12-02T19:37:00.000-08:00

My dad has a new episode of lost so we are going to have family bonding time. IT's very good. mOre latr.

good stuff that

2004-12-01T20:13:00.000-08:00

"It's a far, far better thing that I do now then I have done before, it's a far, far better place that I go now than I have ever been."
Do you know what book that's from? It's one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite books by one of my favorite authors, that happens a lot actually. I've always wanted to make a book of favorite quotes and verses. Than you leave it to your kids and it is a legacy of yours passions and your life. A nice sentiment anywho...I am reading a few books right now all of which are very good but none that make me want to go without eating and sleeping until I finish them. That's how it was with the LOTR series and the Harry Potter books. I used to be so against the HP books but I love them now, however as an aspiring teacher I would never recommend them for under like 5th or 6th grade. They are too impressionable for a book about witches and wizards, I however, feel that I am past the stage of wanting to become whatever seems coolest at the time that I read about it. Of course, with the Bible, you should read it and model after it's heroes for the most part. I have been studying Elisha's life and sometimes I feel that he was somewhat overlooked on the recent well-known biblical heroes list. There's the apostles, moses, david, JOhn the bapt,then several women, etc but he isn't as well known. Elijah maybe, but not EliSHA. Pity. What an amazing guy, God worked through him in such powerful ways. I don't mean just witnessing, but he was used to do some incredible miracles. Read 2 Kings and you'll see what I mean.
I really like the name Joshua. It has a lot of power in it and I love Bible names period. I also love the name Emma, but have I said that already? Oh well, I do. And Anna and Hannah and Abigail and Rebecca and Luke and David. I read a lot into someones name because have you ever noticed that it tends to form a person's personality. I mean, a lot of times a person's name just fits them..or doesn't. Like it I was named Themulsah, I think I would be an outcast who learned how to cook crazy greek foods and grow cedar trees or something because it's just a weird name. I dunno. Maybe that's a totally "whack" theory because my middle name is Grace and I have never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever been at all graceful. I don't mind my name though, even if I din't I wouldn't change it!

decisions

2004-11-28T18:17:00.000-08:00

I think that I have made a decision about my major. I think that I am still going to major in elementary ed and just be in the college choir. I may change my mind about no music classes b ut right now I feel like God is really hinting to me that it's not His plan. It's kind of hard to take but do to recent events I don't think I would really succeed there anyway of course unless I teach elementary but I think I would get bored really quickly. Let's just say that I've had a discouraging few weeks music wise and I'm really feeling sorry for myself. I just don't understand why things have been going so badly. I work harder than most people that I know and yet they do better. I guess it's just not for me. All our life we are told that we can do anything if we set our minds to it. That's really not true, and that thought has really sobered me recently. I've always thought that I could do anything if I really wanted to and I still kind of feel that. Even when I wasn't a huge athlete in m.s. I just knew that I didn't have my heart into it. I convinced myself that if I really wanted it and worked for it I could achieve anything. NOw I know that I'm just really not the athletic., flexible type. Then, I discovered choir. My niche. I have achieved a lot in chior. been on counsel several years, done well in competitions, I don't mean to boast by saying that I am one of the leaders in the choir and in my section, but I just don't think that in the long run it is what I'm meant for. I think that at some point every kid has to grow up and realize that life is not a fairy land where all your dreams come true. I would love to sing on Broadway but I know that's not going to happen. Don't think that I'm depressed or anything. This just means that I can focus my life on teaching or being a librarian and eventually starting a family. I will always sing. I realized that if I did sing on broadway or something, a family would be pretty much out of the picture. my life would be all about me and my career, and where would I find a husband in the secular, gay-supported casts of broadway, if that's God's plan then He will certainly reveal it to me but I don't see that happening. I know that He has something even better. I also don't want to do all the weird music stuff that goes with being a music major. Jeremy describes his classes like they're fun and interesting but I think that I would find them boring and difficult. theory and conducting just aren't my favorite branches of music.I feel better having said this, I started off kind of sad but now I'm a little excited. I was kind of dreading the harder classes of music. I've always wanted to be a teacher. and I will always sing. Yet. when I watch a musical, a part of me really longs to be singing there. There are so many people in our church who could have a career in music easily but they don't. they have a family, and one teaches. IT's possible. enough for now.

at my g-parents

2004-11-26T14:28:00.000-08:00

I'm spending the better part of this week with my dad's family. HIs baby brother, Brad, is 42 and he's in love with Stephanie and her two daughters, Mer and Lizzie. They are so cute, especially Mer who's four and absolutely hilarious. She loves boys and my brothers are both engaged to her. They are such a sweet family and you can tell that Brad is totally wrapped up in them. It's a good thing except that they are devout catholics. It's very different than what we're used to. For instance, Lizzie was saying that her mom's a Kerry fan. My family is all for Bush and I just honestly question someone's morals if they support Kerry. Yes, that's very woodenheaded, but no I don't care. He's an advocate for abortion and the cell testing from babies and stuff and that's enough to make me know that he's not so good. I'm spending some time with them in Atlanta for my graduation present and I'm looking forward to it, and who knows they could be married by then. Anyway, whatever happens I suppose I just know that God has a plan.

La francais est tres magnifique.

2004-11-20T10:59:00.000-08:00

Une jour, J'ai promenade au parc que est sur ma roue. Apres, Sarah et moi achete les coca et nous les boyons dans une arbre. Les poisson sont tres delicieux mais ils sont trop expensieve.Je ne sais pas quest-ce que a ecrite. Demain est demain, et nous avons l'ecole de Demain. J'oublie la term pour "church". hehehe. La petie mermaid est une tres bonne film. Je l'ai regarde quand j'ai ete une petite fille, et aussi "Pete's Dragon". J'adore Nora. Elle est tres belle. Je suis heureuse aujourd'hui. C'est la vie!

freedom

2004-11-20T10:51:00.000-08:00

Finally, school is over, not that I have a terribly difficult school schedule but now I have my own time! My parents are going to Shawnee today so I practically have the house all to myself ! I love days like this! I usually sing all day and watch movies and eat whatever whenever....ahhhhh. Yes, it's a waste of time, I know. I love it. Don't you ever have days when you just wnat to be alone. I just took a long bubble bath in our whirl pool tub, sweetness, and watched home alone, one of my all time favorite movies since it first came out. It's on tv, perfect. Actually, lots of Christmas movies are showing today. I love Christmas. I wonder if Southlake Town Center is decorated yet. It's so pretty when it has all the Christmas stuff out. Sarah Waldrop's birthday is today. She's my best friend, I can say that because none of my other girlfriends read this so they can't be offended. In fact only one person reads it, and that's how I like it. I know that he wouldn't read too much into this stuff and think less of me or think I'm a freak for writing what I write. I appreciate it very much too. I feel like watching a Lord of the Rings movie but we don't have Return of the kIng,. and I recently watched the Fellowship, and Two Towers is my least favorite so I'm stuck. Sarah is coming home from her g-parents house so I can't hang wiht her and I don't nkow what to do with myself. I kind of want to bake something. I'm sorry my friend who reads this for going on and on but this is the only place that I can ramble. I love rambling, it's fun to look back and see where you started and what it all led to. Bananas are yummy, there you see.

what to write

2004-11-16T19:32:00.000-08:00

The hardest part about these things is that I never know what to write, but luckily once I start it just kind of flows. I like analogies, I think one day I will make a book of analogies. I don't know waht to major in. Since I was in third grade, I've always wanted to be an elementary school teacher, probably third grade. Recently though, I've grown a heart for music. Now, I'm torn. I don't really want to do elementary music education, although that does seem like the perfect compromise. I don't feel drawn to it. I don't know what I'd want to do with music, and I know I love books and kids. I've really thought about being a librarian. It's just so hard. I have cried out to God so many times, but i just don't feel certain about my choice. If I choose the wrong thing, I don't think I'll be truly happy. It just always seemed so easy, an elementary teacher, and now I have all my voice teachers telling me that I should major in music and I personally would want to do it.I don't know, maybe i'll just move to South Africa and live as a hermit in mountain and never come down until I know for sure. Or I could be a yodeling teacher/librarian who has a secret identity as a church children's minister(another possible occupation that I have pondered). Ah!

To work out or not to work out

2004-11-15T13:19:00.000-08:00

I really want to go work out at the gym because it's fun but this is the kind of day that you lounge in a fluffy chair and read the Chronicles of narnia, LoTR, or HP. I just found out that I started reading the fourth narnia book instead of the first. We have a really old set and it is weird. So now I have to start at the beginning, darn. I hate that. I have and overdue library book that I need to return when I go to the gym and I need to take money out of my account, but I don't think that I really know how. I need to wait till my mom gets home to ask her, so I guess I'll do that. Do I write a check to myself?? Hmm... Whatever.

2004-11-14T20:18:00.000-08:00

Ok, so here's the thing, it's like 10:19 pm and i'm not remotely tired, which is weird for me. I still need to do my quiet time and I am reading a book but I'm just restless. I just watched the patriot, ocean's eleven, and liar, liar all at the same time bc I couldn't decide which to watch. Liar, liar is not so great. The other two are fantastic though, of course. I can't wait for Ocean's Twelve, it's coming out in December.
I'm going to Hawaii for Spring Break! I've never been so I'm way excited. It's supposedly pretty nice...it's going to get up to 62 degrees tomorrow supposedly. But it's getting warmer this week, tear. I need some more scarves, preferably a red one. I think everybody needs at least one red scarf. All I have is pink with polka dots, does that say something about my personality.
You can tell a lot about someone by how they act with gum. Are you the type of person, who when asked for a piece of gum, says no even though you have some but you are to greedy or lazy to share. Or are you the type of person who asks someone for gum when they take it out even though you have some of your own? Or are you the type of person who takes yours out and makes sure that you offer it to everyone in a ten feet radius before putting it back, after all, it only costs like a buck. Really, this would reveal a lot about your personality. oh wait, one more. the type of person who gives someone gum if you have it out and they see it under the desk, but you make absolutely sure that no one sees it and forbid the person to tell anyone. Don't you hate it when someone eats gum, and you ask them for a piece, and they say, "it's my last piece!" So what you just ate some and I would give you mine, it's gum for goodness sake!
There are not many totally unselfish people in the world, I have friends who would lend me money any time without even expecting to be paid back. I have friends who hesitate to give me a buck because they don't want to take the chance of losing money. There's really nothing wrong with either, but I would prefer to hang out with the first even if I don't need anything they just tend to be more fun and relaxed. I guess I say that because they challenge me to be more like them, you know? Money is so stupid. We would all be so much better off without it. It affects everyone in some way, either you have it or you don't. Why does it control our world? If people weren't obsessed with obtaining oober amounts of money that they couldn't possibly spend in 4 lifetimes, there would be less divorce, murder, war, hunger, theft, gangs, and just about any other thing you can think of. It's pointless to worry about it because it will always be a problem. I would just rather not think about it, but the world does not make that easy. Just when you begin to not care about it, uh oh, you need scholarships for college, etc etc etc. It's a trap that without God, no one can really get out of. No wonder people are workaholics. It's a pathetic excuse to try to fill the gap in their lives that nothing of this world can.
I met a guy today whose dad just recently started getting their family involved in a church. It's really strange to eat with a family who has no church background. The guy is a senior in my grade, I had never met him. His name's Matt. He has no interest in becoming a Christian even after seeing how much it changed his dad. I don't understand. I have come to depend of God in every situation, to call out to Him whenever I have a problem. How can any one be content or at least think that they're content whithout Him. Everytime I have a hard problem on a test I call on Him, not that I like all of a sudden know the answer but it's comforting to know that someone cares about it. In college. I'm not gonna have my mom to talk to every second, I need someone to listen to me when I'm crying or rejoicing or confused. I just don't get it. Wow, I suppose that's enough of the guy spilling for one night but I'm in the mood to go on and on about whatever.
WRiting is the most fulfilling way to express your emotions I think. I was thinking the other day that "jealousy is the highest form of flattery". Isn't that true. not ethical but true. If someone likes your sweater,. whoopee doo. If someone says that they wish they had it, that means that they love everything about it so much that they desire it for themselves. Jealousy in its self is a pit, I mean look at Satan. Jealousy is just a fancy word for self pity. Girls struggle with it so much, when a young girl watches a rock star perform it's probably not because they just enjoy watching them. They wish they were them. "Role models">, they model the roles that others want to partake in. Our modern day role models , I could talk about them for oh 5 more paragraphs but I'd rather not waste my energy. Actually, I'm going to do my devotion now, 2 Kings. Read it, it's good. i'm trying to go through the whle Bible. oNe old testament book, then one new test book. I rotate so that it keeps it exciting , not that it needs any help. the author is supposedly a pretty cool guy.

La numero une

2004-11-13T16:56:00.000-08:00

I really don't see the point of having an online "journal" that you use to expose your feelings about what's happening in your life but what the heck. I don't even know what to write. I suppose if I was mad at my friends then this would be a good way to vent so that they could read it and get mad at me, unfortunately, I'm not mad at any of my friends. I watched Pete'
s Dragon at sarah's house tonight, it is one of my favorites from the days of yore. Maybe I will have an imaginary dragon to beat up people that I don't like, that's a thought. I'm watching the haunting now so i must go.